Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Randomize
