You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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