my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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