I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
