A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
