My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
