I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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