morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
