names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
