I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
