If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Drake has all the answers
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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