He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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