bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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