I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
