How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
