Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
