I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
