Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
