1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
