I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
