i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
