Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
