Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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