8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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