He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
