Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
