my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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