i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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