AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
