I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
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