Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
