you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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