he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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