Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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