theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
