Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
