Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
do nipples grow back?
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