afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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