first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
