so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
