if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
