Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
