i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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