officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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