Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
