I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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