Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
