Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
