Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
