Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
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Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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