Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
