If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
