he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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