You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
