is your mom at the bar?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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