WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
