if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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