You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
