the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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