You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize