i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
