We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
