Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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