I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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