then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
