Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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