Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have feelings that need drinking.
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