I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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