I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
