4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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