Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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