so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
