My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
