I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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