I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
