Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
