Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
