Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
