I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back