She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
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Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.