I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
