She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
