Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.