i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.